Since I hardly post anything here now (I'm lazy ~), I decided to post some random stuffs. These are just rants, don't really pay any attention, just navigate away and live your life. Or watch creepy stuffs on internet. Or do whatever you want- like bungee jumping from a building without the rope or something.
Being born into a third world country, I was probably among the the lucky ones to born into a middle-class family. Now most of you might ask "Why feel so lucky when you didn't born into a first world country or in a rich family?". Well, I didn't born into a poor family, that's why! Also, being rich is no fun, it's not fun at all! Yeah, you might have a lot of money when you're rich but you'll have all these restrictions,responsibilities and other blah blah blah stuffs. Also, rich kids gets to have little to less fun than others.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those types who always say "Money cant buy you happiness". To live in this society, one needs to know the importance of money. And you cant live outside of the society unless you're a saint or a devil.
Though it might change in the future, since "information" will be of more importance than money in the near future.
Like I was saying, I was born into a middle-class family, with just the enough money to get by everyday. Not too much to waste, not too little to starve. Used to live in an apartment, had enough clothes, had foods on the table everyday...well it was a pretty good life. I was good on the studies (not brilliant, but good). Never really felt the need of games or stuffs (well there was no PS4/Xbox one in the 90's), story books were my favorite buddy. Oh, and I had a cycle too, but never really learned how to ride without the practice wheels. :P I was pretty religious too. (not anymore, though I'm not an atheist either)
There was one thing I never had, and that was "Ambition". Or perhaps "Goal" might be the better word for it. Anyway, I never really dreamed of being anything when I grow up. Every time people used to ask me what I want to be in the future I used to give generic answers. I used to have hard times answering "What you want to be" in the exams.
And that's a bad thing.
Having no goals or ambitions means one doesn't really have any purpose in life. It means one is living just for the sake of living, or is too scared to die. That's like living in a hell with full of happy things (yeah. I know. It's weird. I'm weird).
Anyway, by the time I was in sixth grade, I started to ask myself "Why? What am I really living for? What is my purpose? What's the point of living when I'm gonna die in the end anyway?". To be honest, I never really found the answers. Maybe it wasn't meant to be found, or maybe I never really looked hard for the answers. Well, whatever it is, it's probably too late.
Now I'm on my 20's, dropped out of varsity, have no jobs (this is what they call "NEET" I guess), have no purpose, have no hope, have no dream, have no meaning. A complete shut-in, who hates everyone and doesn't really find any meaning for socialism. A coward who cant die. "A sore loser"- if you want to put it that way.
These days I feel like my heart is hollow and I'm falling into a void of emptiness. A never ending darkness. And there is no ending to that. I'm falling and falling into this pit and there is no hope.
It probably is, and I probably am; since I don't really care about friends, families and love anymore and my future looks pretty grim.
Or maybe I'm just bored. Bored of life. Bored of living. Bored of everything.
Thanks for reading this completely useless sad excuse of a blog post.
P.S. : English is not my native language so there might be some grammatical errors ( Don't Kill Me Grammar Nazis T__T )
P.S. 2 (Not Playstation 2 =__= ) : I know nobody reads my blog and nobody probably will comment but even if by any chance anyone reads this rants and wants to reply and put me into the correct path or something, don't bother. Rather than wasting your time on me, use it on something productive.
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